Hi, Thoreau? It’s me, Rachael. Your quote (see below)- that’s why I came out here. I wanted to get lost so I could genuinely figure myself out, without any distractions of someone else telling me what my life should look like.
But now I seem to have gotten myself totally lost and I’m still missing your acclaimed “find/understand ourselves,” half of the bargain.
If anything, now I understand less. Some days it’s clear why I needed to get out of DC and move on, but guys, other days I just miss it. I have no idea what I want to do with my summer off, let alone the rest of my life. I believe in plans and I have none right now except, “pray you make it through the next day/week/semester/two years, then you can go wherever you want!”
I found this cool job in LA doing special events for this cool museum and if I wasn’t so in love with my kids I would be there tomorrow. Except I have this thing called a conscience that pulls at my heart and yells at me:
You have students who don’t have money for dinner every night and what you want to do with your life is plan million dollar galas that require twenty-five thousand dollar tickets? Your kids can’t afford a binder for your class and you’re lusting over a Jenny Packham dress? What’s wrong with you?
I know, HDT. I’ve been here for two months. I shouldn’t expect clarity to come so quickly. I’m not a very patient person, but I’ll wait, okay?